Silent screams

Its not tbat I am feeling sorry for myself.

Somethings botbering me and I dont knkw how to say

Remember thr days when it used to rain and all day we wouod build boats amd play at the creek and remmebrr no ine was there but you and me?

I miss thise days. Everything was quiet and and easy. I loved being there with you.

I dont kniq how 8to set me free. I dont kn oq

So many things I fear in life but none as much as I fear rejection.. So desperatley do I want to show you all of who I am but I fear you wont respond to me in thr way I need.

What if all I ever needed was already here

No one would believe me if I said thst I were great. Everyone wpukd shake their head in disbelief to hear that I was strong. A liar i would be to say I had power of my own,

Its ugly inside of me. Im ebedything you

I am nothing that no one cares to see. I’m so ugly inside I am.afraod to see..

I am too afraid to love myself because it doesnt even matter. Everyday is thr same.. It is so hard to b

Do you want to see pain

Want to see real

How stronf are you to see what lofe has done to me

I’ll take off this playe and show you something even I can barely take and dpnt you look away in fear

Look me in the face

Who is in tjat coffin

Open it

What is that

Type these leyyers

You’re going under

Deep breaths

The love I desire is a love so deep it is worth dying for. No More hiding, risking the fear or rejection abandonment because what you want more than anything is to expose your soul to another

The absemve of fear in my eyes gains her trust and slowly come down the walls arpind her heart…

Ashamed she protects you from seeing whats sjes hidden for so lomg…why are you ashamed I asked? Because I had needs too and sruoid me fornhabinf thrm

Thank you to my shadow

Today I feel grateful. Its amazing how much knowledge we have about the nature of ourselves. People used to blame mental illness on demons or would attribute the change in weather as a willful act of a vengeful God. Today we are blessed to know so much. Even more blessed are

Accept me as I am. Jesus take me as I am..

Ever since I can rememeber thr Christian church was a set of standards meant to live by because I was so loved by Jesus amd or what it reallt conveyed was, ” youre better than this now and so youre expected to follow new standards which all conduct of your value will be measured upon.” Now, most kids want to measure up to their peers and wamt to be seen in positive light..none of us want tbr shadows we work so hard at keeping in the dark never be exposed, after all, youre a christain now, you’re changed amd all that has passed away! Like majoc it all.just goes away ans so you start over new compelety forgetting the past! Wow, Jesus is a miracle.

Reality js is that this js realtoy..people dont pray hard enough to forget an abusive past or forget their abuse by receiting they are a new creature and never adressing thr wpunds..

Not all Christains went to homeschooling amd and didn’t hate every second of it..some.of us were the rebels, the attentiin Seekers, the Abandonded and thr thr very ones who woukd let you in close enough to get a glimpse but push you away just the same..i think we.are the very rebels, thr social.misfifts and sinnners who Jesus came we are all sinners, but not all.of us sin the same..some of us afyer something only Jesus can satisfy..amd will he ever quench it who is to ssy? Most will say he already has where many woujd argue differebent. Shoukdnt it be ok to.ask a God a savior who has saved us from he’ll and redeemed us for a littte help, I think so.